I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
