I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh god it's open bar.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
