I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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