She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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