so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
