Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
