I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
