I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
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Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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