he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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