i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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