Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
