i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
