I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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