Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
