Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
