we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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