We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
