I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
