he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
