just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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