All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
