i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
