I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think your dad took our porno
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
