those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
