I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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