I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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