Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
