Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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