great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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