My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
