i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
