I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
