My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
