When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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