I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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