If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
