My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Say something about gay babies.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
