I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
