after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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