remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
