In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
