i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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