I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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