Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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