its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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