I am puke
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
