I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Less talking, more tequila
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
