She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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