Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
