Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
