That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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