Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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