I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
