You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
