I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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