Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
then he tried to convert me to islam
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
