Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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