And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Your penis caused this!
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