I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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