So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
