youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
