since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
