I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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