Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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