is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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