we have officially lost it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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