Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A bitchslap is in order.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
