Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
