I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
