sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
