My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
