I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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