just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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