why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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