dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
