I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
