The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
