I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize