the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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