We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
