So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
