That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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