Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
two words...techno handjob
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
