They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
